Nowadays, words like "mindful", "conscious" and "spiritual" are being tossed around (sometimes even for commercial purposes), and as a result, the meaning of these words are being diluted and even distorted.
Which is a shame because, if anything, living mindfully is extremely important. It's just too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and end up functioning like pseudo-robots running a programme, where your life is routinized and continues on blindly and mindlessly. Imagine a merry-go-round -- you keep moving but you're getting nowhere really. Instead, you're dizzier and dizzier and, yep, dizzier still.
So today, let's just talk about how we can go about to take charge of our lives and live mindfully.
So what is mindful living?
Firstly, I'm no expert and the term "mindful living" has been around for so long and has so much religious and socio-cultural associations that it's not a good idea to try and a fix a definition. Instead, I'd share what "mindful living" has come to mean for me, a twenty-something adulting Singaporean, who is still struggling to find her place in an ugly-yet-beautiful world.
Mindful living is a blend of intent, awareness, objectivity, and confidence (specifically, the confidence to both pick up responsibilities and to let them go). There is a somewhat causal relationship between these factors. I personally find that when you become more aware, more objective, and more purposeful / intentional in your actions, you do become more confident. Likewise, someone confident and who believes in him/herself will likely find it easier to be purposeful.
For example, one defining feature of those who live mindfully is that they are always present in the moment. They appreciate the importance of the present moment even as they reflect on the past or plan for the future. You see, when you live mindfully, the past, present and future are equally important and are all taken into account when decisions are made. Very often, we sacrifice the present for the sake of the future (e.g. work hard now so that you can have a comfortable retirement, save all your money so you can enjoy them in the future), or we let the past control our present (e.g. not letting go of past mistakes and continuing being tormented by them).
If you live mindfully, however, you realize the importance of spending some money to enjoy life while you are young and able as well as the importance of saving enough money to have a comfortable moment. Living and enjoying the present is important, and so is the future! And you only realize all these by learning from past mistakes and letting go of these mistakes after you've learnt and grown. You do not harp on them and let these mistakes define you. Objectively, you see that we are all human and imperfect but that, is not a problem.
Why live mindfully?
Why? Because when you live mindfully, you are in charge and not the situation, not the people around you, and not fate (because you are consciously and actively choosing to embrace fate).
The opposite of living mindfully would be to live mindlessly and therefore aimlessly. You do what you do because it is "normal", because it is what "everyone" does. But you are not everyone, you are you. So live your life as you would, the way you want your life to be.
How do you live mindfully?
With crystals.
I'm kidding, hahaha, I couldn't resist the jab at consumerism. But we will gave an article on that soon, because it's personally my main purpose and manner of connecting with crystals actually.
Honestly, I don't think mindful living is something that can be taught. You have to go through a "baptism by fire" and slowly learn it through experience. After going through enough "suffering", so to speak, you start to see the light and pluck up the courage to live mindfully. Because to live mindfully means to some extent to make your decisions and be responsible for them. There is no one to blame because you made all the decisions purposefully! That is scary! It sounds so much easier to just follow the path that others have walked on. But, in the long run, I think life is more rewarding and easier when it is yours.
So I can't really teach you how to live mindfully. But I could summarize my own "baptism by fire" so that, when you go through yours, you can recognize it easily and hopefully overcome it in an easier way.
1. Perspective & Distance
To be human is to be stuck in our selves. We can only experience life through our own selves. Of course, we practice empathy, we try to metaphorically walk in someone else's shoe. But the truth is, to be human is to be limited to our own selves. However much I try, I will never know what someone else feels, even if we have had similar or identical events happen to us, we will experience it differently.
So it's important to consciously consider different perspectives. Consider the perspectives of others, take a step back and look at things from another angle -- you might see something very different! As a very simple example, a decision that works for you might not work for your boss or your colleague. Actively taking their perspectives and needs into considerations makes it easier to compromise and to make the best (and most mindful) decisions.
2. Self-Forgiveness & Time
Let go.
We screw up all the time. That does not make us lesser beings -- honestly, if I were to meet someone who is truly perfect and has not made a mistake, he or she would be a truly frightening and inhuman creature to behold.
Take time to agonize over your mistakes and failings. It's good if you feel pain (sorry, I do sound a little sadistic here) because pain do teach a lesson. But after you've learnt from that mistake, that mistake has served its purpose. Now you must consciously and actively make the effort to let go and forgive yourself.
You've already made a mistake and suffered for it. Do not keep suffering for it. (Make new mistakes instead!) Instead, leave the mistake behind and walk on, ascend to higher ground.
3. Objectivity
If someone thing hurt you, it's personal. But even then, you have to force yourself to consider the situation from a third-party, objective perspective. That might mean you need to take some time off. It might mean you need to speak to a friend or even a professional. But you have to do it. Because in order for you to transcend the situation, you have to be beyond it, and in order to be beyond it, you can't let it stay personal.
4. Awareness & Observation
Take some time and check in with yourself. Emotionally, psychologically, physically. How are you feeling? You might not have the word but as long as you are aware of it, you can talk about it and uncover the truth. Once the truth it out, you can take action.
Part of being aware is to see the whole picture, not just the big picture. That means taking a lot of time before making your decision. It means being aware of your intuition and gut feeling, but also taking the time to analyze that intuition. It's your life, after all, so there are no do-overs. Intuition is truly wondering -- it is our body's way of telling us what we want and what we need before we consciously realize it. But we should make the effort and transform unconscious intuition into conscious decisions.
5. Confidence & Courage
It's easy and good to compromise most of the time. After all, that is how we maintain a harmonious society! But for things that cannot be compromised -- your wellbeing, your ideals, your purpose -- then find the confidence and courage to stand firm. Standing firm will be tough and it might cause you to suffer quite a little, but that kind of suffering is still so much better than the hollow emptiness you feel when you compromise on yourself and your ideals.
When decisions are made mindfully, it doesn't mean that these decisions are good. They might not turn out well. But so what? Every ordeal is an experience and every experience nurtures you (even if through pain). So be confident and make your own mistakes and let them shape you (but remember, mistakes are only valuable if you learn from them and, after, let them go).
A last word...
Start small!
Living mindfully doesn't mean you immediately quit your job and all the "safe", tried-and-tested decisions and take the plunge. You could, if you want to, but why not start small?
From just eating mindfully instead of ordering convenient takeouts, spending your free time mindfully instead of sleeping it away (unless you are sleeping it away with intent, which I do, sometimes), and surrounding yourself with mindful reminders that encourage you to take a step back, to breathe, to consider alternate perspectives.
At the end of the day, just think of life as a game of chess. Each move should be made with purpose, with the big picture, the whole picture, in mind.
Thank you guys for reading! Writing this article is giving me a little reminder course in mindful living as 2021 inches closer!
With all our love,
Ren
Disclaimer: The information contained on this site is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute of any kind for advice, diagnosis or treatment by a licensed physician. Please seek immediate medical care for any health issues and consult your doctor before using alternative or homeopathic medicine or making a change to your lifestyle and regimen.
